Sometimes, I really struggle to stay neutral instead of freaking out about the little inconveniences in life. I think the lifelong battle with depression has something to do with that, but the point is that I tend to see the crummy circumstances rather than the silver lining.
However, my oldest is almost the total opposite of me in this area. She manages to find the good in so many things. She has a condition that causes tumors and though it's been hard, she takes it in stride. I remember that, when she was really little, I was trying to prepare her for the MRI. The conversation went something like this:
"Remember, you're going to be poked in the arm and have to drink that really yucky drink. And you can't eat or drink the night before so you're gonna be really hungry and thirsty."
"OK, Mommy. But can I ask you something?"
(Holding back tears as I think of how hard MRI days are) "Go ahead, sweetie."
"Is that the place that had the room full of toys that I could play in?"
If I had that kind of attitude, I'd be so much more thankful. Too often I take things for granted.
I was talking to my husband about how hard it is for me in the mornings. I told him every morning, my default mentality is "Ugh, another day of this?" like living is a burden for me. I'm surrounded by this beautiful family, in a house that God blessed us with, and yet my mornings are still punctuated by this feeling of frustration.
On the flipside, my daughter is CONSTANTLY telling me what she looks forward to.
"Mommy, I can't wait until my daddy-daughter date."
"Mommy, I can't wait for school."
"Mommy, I can't wait til we go to grandma and grandpa's house."
No anxiety about social interactions, no fear that things will go wrong. Just a constant expectation that things will be great, fun, and amazing.
I try to picture what my days would be like if I had an attitude like that. Not, "I don't want to see people today," but "I can't wait for this party because I'll get to see people I love." Not, "I am worried about how much our car will cost to fix," but "I can't wait to see what God's going to do in our lives through this circumstance".
It really reminds me of the time Corrie Ten Boom's sister thanked God for the fleas. Much like me, Corrie didn't understand at the time and even balked at the thought of thanking God for something that seemed to be making her life more miserable. God used that, though. (If you're unfamiliar with this story, this blog explains it well: Betsie and the Fleas )
I know that Jesus told Saul, "Why do you kick against the goads?" (I'm paraphrasing Acts 26:14.)
I find myself doing that, and I wonder how much better it would be, even in difficulty, if I would just accept the hard times as from the hand of God (Job 2:10).
I shouldn't struggle against what God's will for my life is, and I shouldn't be so resistant that I make it difficult for Him to achieve what He wants (or take the long way around like with the stubborn children of Israel). He doesn't need me to help Him along and yet I find myself panicking on the regular, that somehow everything's gonna go awry.
God has promised that He will work all things for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose (Rom 8:28). I need to remember that.
However, my oldest is almost the total opposite of me in this area. She manages to find the good in so many things. She has a condition that causes tumors and though it's been hard, she takes it in stride. I remember that, when she was really little, I was trying to prepare her for the MRI. The conversation went something like this:
"Remember, you're going to be poked in the arm and have to drink that really yucky drink. And you can't eat or drink the night before so you're gonna be really hungry and thirsty."
"OK, Mommy. But can I ask you something?"
(Holding back tears as I think of how hard MRI days are) "Go ahead, sweetie."
"Is that the place that had the room full of toys that I could play in?"
If I had that kind of attitude, I'd be so much more thankful. Too often I take things for granted.
I was talking to my husband about how hard it is for me in the mornings. I told him every morning, my default mentality is "Ugh, another day of this?" like living is a burden for me. I'm surrounded by this beautiful family, in a house that God blessed us with, and yet my mornings are still punctuated by this feeling of frustration.
On the flipside, my daughter is CONSTANTLY telling me what she looks forward to.
"Mommy, I can't wait until my daddy-daughter date."
"Mommy, I can't wait for school."
"Mommy, I can't wait til we go to grandma and grandpa's house."
No anxiety about social interactions, no fear that things will go wrong. Just a constant expectation that things will be great, fun, and amazing.
I try to picture what my days would be like if I had an attitude like that. Not, "I don't want to see people today," but "I can't wait for this party because I'll get to see people I love." Not, "I am worried about how much our car will cost to fix," but "I can't wait to see what God's going to do in our lives through this circumstance".
It really reminds me of the time Corrie Ten Boom's sister thanked God for the fleas. Much like me, Corrie didn't understand at the time and even balked at the thought of thanking God for something that seemed to be making her life more miserable. God used that, though. (If you're unfamiliar with this story, this blog explains it well: Betsie and the Fleas )
I know that Jesus told Saul, "Why do you kick against the goads?" (I'm paraphrasing Acts 26:14.)
I find myself doing that, and I wonder how much better it would be, even in difficulty, if I would just accept the hard times as from the hand of God (Job 2:10).
I shouldn't struggle against what God's will for my life is, and I shouldn't be so resistant that I make it difficult for Him to achieve what He wants (or take the long way around like with the stubborn children of Israel). He doesn't need me to help Him along and yet I find myself panicking on the regular, that somehow everything's gonna go awry.
God has promised that He will work all things for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose (Rom 8:28). I need to remember that.
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